So I still haven't figured out how to comment...
But Iain, did you click the link?
B/c it's amazing.
I have never been in a room so full of such drunk women in all my life.
oh and let me correct myself, it's "Canadian Playboyz"
Monday, March 14, 2011
one way to beat the mid winter blues
It's Lady's Night, and oh what a night.
The women of this fair town have been looking forward to this night since last year at about this time. Once a year the Canadian Playboys make their way North.
And yes, I saw them. In all their glory. (?maybe not... glory...per-say)
And maybe not "in" anything at all.
But I saw them, Oh how I saw them.
From HotCop to Standed Soldier and even a Cowboy. Shooting fake weapons saving us all from criminals or terrorists or ourselves.... One performer even started a small fire which he gyrated in front of, sending shivers down all those housewive's spines, then turning around to reveal just a silver of his ass crack. This move realllly drove'em crazy.
Lip syncing the intros to their acts and encouraging the crowd to take out the 5, 10 and 20 dollar bills if they wanted to see the whole package. It was unlike anything I have ever seen before and honestly I hope never to see it again.
The women where wild with passion and ready to purchase all the raffle tickets, posters and novelty lighters faster then these guys could sell them.
Oh! Lest I forget the portion of the show which required audience participation, three lovely ladies where asked to come on stage.
The first my bosses future daughter in law. She was asked what her favourite sexual position is. The answer more shocking then the questions, she slurs "from behind." She is then bent over a chair and told to impersonate herself having an orgasm and handed a microphone. Gladly she screams into the mic as other jealous ladies snap photos, which will obviously make their way on to facebook within 24 hrs of this proformance.
The second, is my co worker Wanda who escapes to the bathroom out of sheer embarassment.
And I missed the third due to lack of interest.
After too much to drink and the fact that all the women I attended with have children and needed to return to their families I made my way home to the quiet of my house.
Which was nice, after seeing so much cock in one night.
For those who are interested, b/c I know some of you are!
http://www.canadianplayboyz.com/
The women of this fair town have been looking forward to this night since last year at about this time. Once a year the Canadian Playboys make their way North.
And yes, I saw them. In all their glory. (?maybe not... glory...per-say)
And maybe not "in" anything at all.
But I saw them, Oh how I saw them.
From HotCop to Standed Soldier and even a Cowboy. Shooting fake weapons saving us all from criminals or terrorists or ourselves.... One performer even started a small fire which he gyrated in front of, sending shivers down all those housewive's spines, then turning around to reveal just a silver of his ass crack. This move realllly drove'em crazy.
Lip syncing the intros to their acts and encouraging the crowd to take out the 5, 10 and 20 dollar bills if they wanted to see the whole package. It was unlike anything I have ever seen before and honestly I hope never to see it again.
The women where wild with passion and ready to purchase all the raffle tickets, posters and novelty lighters faster then these guys could sell them.
Oh! Lest I forget the portion of the show which required audience participation, three lovely ladies where asked to come on stage.
The first my bosses future daughter in law. She was asked what her favourite sexual position is. The answer more shocking then the questions, she slurs "from behind." She is then bent over a chair and told to impersonate herself having an orgasm and handed a microphone. Gladly she screams into the mic as other jealous ladies snap photos, which will obviously make their way on to facebook within 24 hrs of this proformance.
The second, is my co worker Wanda who escapes to the bathroom out of sheer embarassment.
And I missed the third due to lack of interest.
After too much to drink and the fact that all the women I attended with have children and needed to return to their families I made my way home to the quiet of my house.
Which was nice, after seeing so much cock in one night.
For those who are interested, b/c I know some of you are!
http://www.canadianplayboyz.com/
Friday, February 25, 2011
carnage in the streets
I know I talk about wolves alot. Okay, I know it.
It's just that I can't get over them.
Last week while preparing to slumber, I heard them. Howling at the moon. We opened our doors and they were close. Blood curdlingly close.
In the middle of town, last week maybe the night after we heard them howling, wolves took down a deer in someones back yard. Just imagine looking out your window and seeing a pack of wolves killing a deer. After much commotion the wolves were scared away, the police were called, and the woman whose backyard this happened in was allowed to keep the deer for meat because she had a Status Card. So they dragged the deer around to the front of the house and cut it up. Her neighbor woke up to a front lawn covered in blood. This happened.
Two nights ago, wolves killed a dog in a backyard across the street from our house. Mind you this is a second hand story heard from emergency works called to a known drug addicts house in the middle of the night, but still believable because of recent events.
Yesterday morning when a coworkers husband was leaving for work he saw a pack of wolves one street over.
This is real.
This is where I live.
I have yet to see a wolf.
But now I'm scared to.
It's just that I can't get over them.
Last week while preparing to slumber, I heard them. Howling at the moon. We opened our doors and they were close. Blood curdlingly close.
In the middle of town, last week maybe the night after we heard them howling, wolves took down a deer in someones back yard. Just imagine looking out your window and seeing a pack of wolves killing a deer. After much commotion the wolves were scared away, the police were called, and the woman whose backyard this happened in was allowed to keep the deer for meat because she had a Status Card. So they dragged the deer around to the front of the house and cut it up. Her neighbor woke up to a front lawn covered in blood. This happened.
Two nights ago, wolves killed a dog in a backyard across the street from our house. Mind you this is a second hand story heard from emergency works called to a known drug addicts house in the middle of the night, but still believable because of recent events.
Yesterday morning when a coworkers husband was leaving for work he saw a pack of wolves one street over.
This is real.
This is where I live.
I have yet to see a wolf.
But now I'm scared to.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I'm back.
After a much needed hiatus, I am back.
Well actually I only went on hiatus because I don't have much to write about.
It continues to be snowy, it continues to be cold, and the wild life continues to knock on my doorstep.
It is the long weekend.
We ventured out to Winnipeg for a few days, where I was compelled to spend as much money as possible on as many things as I possibly could. Only because these things aren't available to me on a regular basis. I'm not what you would call a "mall shopper" but upon entering the warm glow of urban sprawl I crave the indoor shopping experience that only a mall can bring. So warm, so full, so visually stimulating I have to take a nap in the afternoon to recover from my overwhelming morning.
I bought clothes I will never really be able to wear up here without looking like the city slicker I am. But when i try to blend in, people tell me I look like a tourist. I can never win. Although I do find people ask me for my opinion more, and they actually consider my answers to be credible. But anyone who knows me knows I make half of my facts up, they are just considered true because I'm an outsider. It's weird.
anyways I just bought an amazing pair of black suede wedges that wont be worn until I return to.... anywhere with side walks and more then one restaurant/bar that is only open on the condition that people are actually present will do fine. I'll take anything I can get at this point.
Oh and I'm sick of winter.
This season is long. Very long, with no end in near sight. I'll be lucky if in April there isn't snow on the ground.
Seriously.
People are talking about blizzards in June.
I'll cry if that happens.
Well actually I only went on hiatus because I don't have much to write about.
It continues to be snowy, it continues to be cold, and the wild life continues to knock on my doorstep.
It is the long weekend.
We ventured out to Winnipeg for a few days, where I was compelled to spend as much money as possible on as many things as I possibly could. Only because these things aren't available to me on a regular basis. I'm not what you would call a "mall shopper" but upon entering the warm glow of urban sprawl I crave the indoor shopping experience that only a mall can bring. So warm, so full, so visually stimulating I have to take a nap in the afternoon to recover from my overwhelming morning.
I bought clothes I will never really be able to wear up here without looking like the city slicker I am. But when i try to blend in, people tell me I look like a tourist. I can never win. Although I do find people ask me for my opinion more, and they actually consider my answers to be credible. But anyone who knows me knows I make half of my facts up, they are just considered true because I'm an outsider. It's weird.
anyways I just bought an amazing pair of black suede wedges that wont be worn until I return to.... anywhere with side walks and more then one restaurant/bar that is only open on the condition that people are actually present will do fine. I'll take anything I can get at this point.
Oh and I'm sick of winter.
This season is long. Very long, with no end in near sight. I'll be lucky if in April there isn't snow on the ground.
Seriously.
People are talking about blizzards in June.
I'll cry if that happens.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
the vermin of the north.
In the city where I was born and raised, it is not uncommon to have your picnic surrounded by pigeons, or your garbage ripped through by raccoons, or to spot the occasional rat whilst out on the town in the evening.
But here, in this northern oasis you are more likely to see crows looming on telephone wires, or deer meandering through the streets, or foxes gliding silently over the fresh snow.
But here, in this northern oasis you are more likely to see crows looming on telephone wires, or deer meandering through the streets, or foxes gliding silently over the fresh snow.
Monday, January 31, 2011
chill out man.
I never thought I would think that minus (-)11 was warm.
I actually look forward to those days. Between minus (-) 10 and minus (-)15 is a day to celebrate. It means i can take my class of toddlers outside to play (within 15 minutes they will all be in tears). But it's ministry mandated that anything under minus (-)25 means we go outside.
unfortunately today, we will be inside.
Minus (-) 30 plus windchill.
I actually look forward to those days. Between minus (-) 10 and minus (-)15 is a day to celebrate. It means i can take my class of toddlers outside to play (within 15 minutes they will all be in tears). But it's ministry mandated that anything under minus (-)25 means we go outside.
unfortunately today, we will be inside.
Minus (-) 30 plus windchill.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
telling of fantastic tales
On the drive to Burts cabin, I'm nervous. For starters it's minus (-) 29 outside and for seconders T is more excited to witness me crash a sled then actually drive one. This isn't exactly inspiring confidence in me. But it's going to be a sunny and clear day, we really couldn't have hoped for better weather.
We pull up about 10ish and Burt greets us with a smile (probably the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Seriously ladies, you want to see the epitome of outdoorsy dream boat then spend a day with this man). we change and sign wavers in his shed full of wood chips and dead things After packing the dogs in to his pickup truck, we make our way to the launch site. At the site we listen to his brief safety run down and begin harness the howling dogs. My toes are already cold and I'm worried they will fall off by the end of the day.
These dogs are ready, I think they might be born ready. They lurch the sled forward even though it's anchored by a fierce looking hook into the ground. The dogs are made to run and are aching to go. Burt leads with his daughter as co-pilot, I follow, George (the 70 year old man crossing experiences of his "Bucket List") follows me and Ter brings up the rear. It was incredible. The dogs rocket the sled forward the moment the anchor is out of the ground and then silence nothing but the sound of their padding feet and the sled gliding along the pristine snow. I almost cried.
Their barking and howling is forgotten as we make our way over the frozen lake. The dogs pull the sleds effortlessly and as soon as we come to a stop, they being to whine again. As we get going George comes crashing up behind me and falls. We come to bush and follow a winding path through the trees. My sled picks up speed and I can feel the dogs excitement as we crash along the trail. I turn a corner just in time to catch George go slamming into a tree and fall over. Suddenly I'm feeling a little more confident about being the one who isn't falling off their sled, though I do sympathize with good ol'George.
When we stop for lunch Burt gets of his sled, cuts down a tree and has a fire going in under five minutes (you know, just to add to his already long list of attractive skills and attributes). He brings out his supplies and begins to warm up some moose chili over the open flame. We are all hungrier then we expected to be. Then it hits me, oh god, I have to pee. It's now minus (-)21 outside, and I have to pee in the bush. I'm wearing underwear, long underwear, sweat pants, snow pants (or as they say up here, ski pants) and then a parka the size of England. This is going to be fun. I trudge away from the fire site and begin to disrobe. It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I lay my coat down beside me inside up, then pull each layer down, hover my butt just over the 2.5. feet of snow on the ground and let go!
After lunch we see some rock paintings and then make our way back through the bush. Passing over a river where George comes to yet another crashing halt, we go by a moose carcass that is gradually being picked over by wolves, then return to the lake and back to the launch site.
When we unharness all the dogs and re load them into the truck, we take them home to their little houses, I thank Burt while choking back tears and he invites us in for coffee (into the home he built himself from the logs around his property, a two story log cabin).
We stop for dinner at a restaurant on the highway, and then George walks in. He meekly asked the waitress for a table for one and Ter invits him over to sit with us. He regales us with stories of the army in the 50's when he was stationed in the North pole. The isolation and cabin fever that tortured most of his fellow soldiers was astounding. His secret mission intercepting Russian messages and translating them was incredible. George now builds ice sculptures for the winter events in his town (12 feet high). He made me regret feeling so disdainful of his blunders during the day. Ter bought his dinner and we made our way home.
What a day! If only White Fang and Kitche were there with me, or I had remembered to pretend they were there with me. And I will remember this day for the rest of my life.
Unless you know, in a year or so I become a trapper and have a team of my own and we make our way across Canada.
....Hey, it could happen.
We pull up about 10ish and Burt greets us with a smile (probably the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Seriously ladies, you want to see the epitome of outdoorsy dream boat then spend a day with this man). we change and sign wavers in his shed full of wood chips and dead things After packing the dogs in to his pickup truck, we make our way to the launch site. At the site we listen to his brief safety run down and begin harness the howling dogs. My toes are already cold and I'm worried they will fall off by the end of the day.
These dogs are ready, I think they might be born ready. They lurch the sled forward even though it's anchored by a fierce looking hook into the ground. The dogs are made to run and are aching to go. Burt leads with his daughter as co-pilot, I follow, George (the 70 year old man crossing experiences of his "Bucket List") follows me and Ter brings up the rear. It was incredible. The dogs rocket the sled forward the moment the anchor is out of the ground and then silence nothing but the sound of their padding feet and the sled gliding along the pristine snow. I almost cried.
Their barking and howling is forgotten as we make our way over the frozen lake. The dogs pull the sleds effortlessly and as soon as we come to a stop, they being to whine again. As we get going George comes crashing up behind me and falls. We come to bush and follow a winding path through the trees. My sled picks up speed and I can feel the dogs excitement as we crash along the trail. I turn a corner just in time to catch George go slamming into a tree and fall over. Suddenly I'm feeling a little more confident about being the one who isn't falling off their sled, though I do sympathize with good ol'George.
When we stop for lunch Burt gets of his sled, cuts down a tree and has a fire going in under five minutes (you know, just to add to his already long list of attractive skills and attributes). He brings out his supplies and begins to warm up some moose chili over the open flame. We are all hungrier then we expected to be. Then it hits me, oh god, I have to pee. It's now minus (-)21 outside, and I have to pee in the bush. I'm wearing underwear, long underwear, sweat pants, snow pants (or as they say up here, ski pants) and then a parka the size of England. This is going to be fun. I trudge away from the fire site and begin to disrobe. It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I lay my coat down beside me inside up, then pull each layer down, hover my butt just over the 2.5. feet of snow on the ground and let go!
After lunch we see some rock paintings and then make our way back through the bush. Passing over a river where George comes to yet another crashing halt, we go by a moose carcass that is gradually being picked over by wolves, then return to the lake and back to the launch site.
When we unharness all the dogs and re load them into the truck, we take them home to their little houses, I thank Burt while choking back tears and he invites us in for coffee (into the home he built himself from the logs around his property, a two story log cabin).
We stop for dinner at a restaurant on the highway, and then George walks in. He meekly asked the waitress for a table for one and Ter invits him over to sit with us. He regales us with stories of the army in the 50's when he was stationed in the North pole. The isolation and cabin fever that tortured most of his fellow soldiers was astounding. His secret mission intercepting Russian messages and translating them was incredible. George now builds ice sculptures for the winter events in his town (12 feet high). He made me regret feeling so disdainful of his blunders during the day. Ter bought his dinner and we made our way home.
What a day! If only White Fang and Kitche were there with me, or I had remembered to pretend they were there with me. And I will remember this day for the rest of my life.
Unless you know, in a year or so I become a trapper and have a team of my own and we make our way across Canada.
....Hey, it could happen.
that's right.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
creating mental images.
Okay, so just to give you a picture of how freakin cold it is... I'm really just going to tell you the temperature. It was minus (-) 39 degrees yesterday. The pipes in our kitchen froze. We insulated them today in hopes of, you know, avoiding that happening again.
I actually turned the water off last night and flushed the pipes so they wouldn't burst.
I don't think you heard me, I flushed the pipes. How many people can say that they've done that just to get through the night?
Not, you know, when you are shutting down your cottage for the winter and you don't want a serious problem when you re-open in the Spring, but actually just to survive through the night.
Oh, and next week it's calling for temperatures of, oh nothing much, just a balmy minus (-) 4 on friday, that is LITERALLY a 35 degree difference!
We'll see if that actually happens...
I'm really into the underline and italics feature I just noticed *wink* just adding to the continued punctuation. NOW, with emphasis!coooooool.
I actually turned the water off last night and flushed the pipes so they wouldn't burst.
I don't think you heard me, I flushed the pipes. How many people can say that they've done that just to get through the night?
Not, you know, when you are shutting down your cottage for the winter and you don't want a serious problem when you re-open in the Spring, but actually just to survive through the night.
Oh, and next week it's calling for temperatures of, oh nothing much, just a balmy minus (-) 4 on friday, that is LITERALLY a 35 degree difference!
We'll see if that actually happens...
I'm really into the underline and italics feature I just noticed *wink* just adding to the continued punctuation. NOW, with emphasis!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
and you thought i wouldn't have any stories at my new job.
I will detail my adventure on dogsledding when i have time to sit and write for a while, but for now i need to tell you all what happpened while at work today.
To preface this, a woman I work with has a very sick relative I'll call her Wanda.
My boss, who isn't the most professional of people, was on facebook (just an example of her lack of professionalism) and read a status update today the she thought applied to our workmate. She promptly came into the room where I was putting the kids down for their rest and told me she read a RANDOM persons status saying "heaven welcomes another angel" or some corny shit like that and then goes and TELLS Wanda with no actual proof that it is her relative who has passed away.
Wanda of course breaks down and begins phoning all of her relatives and gets no answer, after lots of tears and a few calls she finds out it wasn't her relative and my boss is actually and idiot.
Could you imagine?
Who does that? Reads a status update and then tells someone (while at work and everyone she works with!) that their relative is dead?!?!?!?!??
Also this town is crazy, everyone is too scared to say anything because everything is interconnected. you say something and it will effect your whole life. Complain about your boss? Before anything formal will ever be done about it your boss will hear from some leak in Town Office and you're screwed.
The grocery store is highway robbery! $6.99 for a bag grapes and $7.99 for mayonnaise! Produce is rotten on a regular basis. Don't buy onions in a bag, tangerines in a box or potatoes in bulk. You wont be able to use over half of them. And no one says anything becasue it's the only place in town!
It's insane!
People just live with this corruption because they don't know anything else or they don't have alternatives.
p.s. What is "rofl" Iain?
To preface this, a woman I work with has a very sick relative I'll call her Wanda.
My boss, who isn't the most professional of people, was on facebook (just an example of her lack of professionalism) and read a status update today the she thought applied to our workmate. She promptly came into the room where I was putting the kids down for their rest and told me she read a RANDOM persons status saying "heaven welcomes another angel" or some corny shit like that and then goes and TELLS Wanda with no actual proof that it is her relative who has passed away.
Wanda of course breaks down and begins phoning all of her relatives and gets no answer, after lots of tears and a few calls she finds out it wasn't her relative and my boss is actually and idiot.
Could you imagine?
Who does that? Reads a status update and then tells someone (while at work and everyone she works with!) that their relative is dead?!?!?!?!??
Also this town is crazy, everyone is too scared to say anything because everything is interconnected. you say something and it will effect your whole life. Complain about your boss? Before anything formal will ever be done about it your boss will hear from some leak in Town Office and you're screwed.
The grocery store is highway robbery! $6.99 for a bag grapes and $7.99 for mayonnaise! Produce is rotten on a regular basis. Don't buy onions in a bag, tangerines in a box or potatoes in bulk. You wont be able to use over half of them. And no one says anything becasue it's the only place in town!
It's insane!
People just live with this corruption because they don't know anything else or they don't have alternatives.
p.s. What is "rofl" Iain?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)