Shopping for those with no stores to shop in

To say that I "love" to shop would be an understatement.
I was born to buy. When out at a store and I haven't filled my baskets up to their fullest, I desperately grab at items on my walk to the check out frantically filling my arms like a squirrel collecting nuts and stuffing their cheeks full before the winter freeze.
It's pathetic.
I know it.
I know that I "have a problem" and need to "get a hobby".
But really, no I don't.

What I need to do is to stop putting myself in situations where I feel obligated to spend money. Not because I am in a store but I'm in some neighbours living room and some housewife is telling me the advantages of flameless air fresheners, pre-packaged spices with no taste, or the worst being sitting at my kitchen table enticed by the offer of a "free facial" turned humiliated and guilt fuelled buying.
This is a culture of at home shopping. The Tupperware party re-invented.  Women praying on their friends and neighbours to support their livelihood and buy useless crap. And guess what, it works.
The only way to make real money is to exploit the people close to you by:

1. Inviting them to parties they don't want to go to.

2. Saying they don't have to buy anything and to just come for a drink.

3. Knowing that no one can stay only for a drink and they will buy something. Most likely spending more then they can afford b/c they are in your living room, have listened to some soulless woman talk about useless shit for half an hour, haven't had a drink and desperately want to go home and the only way they can leave is if they buy something and run.

4. The worst of course would be the "you won a free facial" technique. Where instead of the luxurious time the words "free facial" make one think about instead it's a lesson in humility. The overly religious next door neighbour's daughter arrives with a tote full of creams and ointments. Your feeling too embarrassed about the messy state of your kitchen fail to notice her setting up a tray in front of you and squirting random creams on to it. Then handing you a cloth and asking you to wipe your own face down thus dry washing it while sitting at a table. Nothing quite like trying to remove exfoliating facial cleanser with a baby wipe.  Or a complete stranger telling you that you don't wear enough makeup and you should begin your wrinkle prevention scheme immediately, in fact it might already be too late. Then to get her out of your house you spend more then you would ever dream of spending on facial products because she tried so hard for that hour you fought off her sales pitches, you just had to give her some credit...

This is my reality. These are the majority of parties I get invited too.
They never stop. If you go to one you have to go to them all, or else it's some big scandal.
Now my pantry, my outlets, my medicine cabinet are full with useless crap I have no desire to own.

soical network

I understand I hit a little bit of a nerve with my "menopausal" comments in my previous blog entry.
Please allow me to apologize. Please have the satisfaction of knowing that in 30ish years I will be in the same hormonal flux as all of you and will curse myself for being such an insolent and foolish young woman.
I am truly sorry.

With that said, I've been doing a lot of thinking about online social networking sites and how much they can really impact such a small town like the one I live in. Like, really. There are only 1 200ish people populating this community. Probably a good 15-20 percent are seniors and therefore internet alliterate (personal assumption) then there are your 65-40's who amazingly enough maybe 50 percent of them using social networking sites, then there's the everyone between the age of 40-13 who are almost 100% actively using socail networking sites.
If my math is correct, and believe me I crunched the numbers.
Really everyone you know is on your profile, the likely hood of you meeting someone outside of your community is slim (if you are over 30 and have a family, another assumption please don't take any of this personally) Then why even have a profile?
It's like the whole town is magnified and observed on a far too regular and public basis. The whole concept of this kind of site has been warped. Instead of opening up a wider world of friends it did just the opposite. The community is surrounding itself around status updates and profile comments and chats of other (and for the most part i stress only) members of the community not the wider world.
What got me thinking about this was the removal of the 5 or so employee's being removed from their managers profile friend list. This happened without any sort of explanation or even mention. Granted, her profile is hers to with with what she pleases but the people aren't only "online friends" but actual members of a not so much larger community. A community in which you have to watch what you say and to who you say it too, because everybody knows everybody....so...be careful.
It's wildly preposterous. All of it. I really think social networking sites didn't factor in small communities of people to their scheme,  I saw "Social Network" I know what they were going for.  It's a global community populated by 800ish people who all speak to one another on a daily and face to face basis.

thaw it out.

After months of hibernation, it's happened, we are thawing.
And I gotta hand it to the people of the North, it's literally 5 degrees out and they are BBQ-in' and quadin' it up. Snowmobiles are instantly traded in for ATV's. Snow is still on the ground but the people are over it. I am at least.
It's gonna get wet, then it's gonna get beautiful.
Also my mother has planned her first trip up, which I am excited about!!!!!
She's going to see how uttlery depressing it is here, and thank god she didn't have to live through a winter here when it was -40 and four feet of snow....
But really, that is all behind us, forget wolves (jeeze, so last week). It's bears now.
We're going to have to invest in some "bear proof" garbage cans and work on making ourselves look bigger then they are. Hurray. If it's not one wilderness preditor it's another.
I dont know if I mentioned this before, but there aren't any raccoons here. A woman I work with has never seen a raccoon. Seriously.
Um what else, oh! The unprofessional boss, she deleted everyone from the center from her facebook.
Like, really. I don\t know if that was actually a good move on her part, so her vertual life can now be private. Or some f-ed up way of getting some sort of revenge on these woman, oh she also deleted all of their mothers from fb too. Anyways, whatever the reason, it was all people talked about today. Luckily she was never my friend to begin with so she's couldn't deliberatley remove me from her friend list.
This womans life revolves entirely too much around fb and she isn't even part of the internet generation, she's a menopausal boomer (which could have played a part in this latest rediculousness)
Peace.

physical fitness is important.

I know, I know, I know.
I'm not keeping up with this blog as much as I said I would. But you know, a girls got business to attend to.
The weather is warmer, people are out BBQ-in' moose steaks and deer sausage. There simply arent enough hours in the day to sit at this darned computer to keep you all updated as to the going's on in the North Ontario.  Really, that's it. It's warmer and people are out.
Plus five and sunny means strap on your sandals get yer grill fired up, and Q up them dogs!
On another note, I joined the gym for the first time in my life. I mean i Might as well do something to keep me goin'. Also the deep winter weight that I gained MUST come off. it must.
speaking of which, dinner is ready and there are movies to be watched!

reply to in reply

Yes, those were the dudes. The guy on the left is the soldier, the middle was the cowboy and the right a cop.
I imagine they cater to gays, as well as are gay themselves, but that is just local speculation, and it is a subject of much contention among some of the ladies. 

I don't know if T checks his mail, I'll ask...or maybe you have the wrong address, I think he uses hotmail the most.

in reply

So I still haven't figured out how to comment...
But Iain, did you click the link?
B/c it's amazing.
I have never been in a room so full of such drunk women in all my life.
oh and let me correct myself, it's "Canadian Playboyz"

one way to beat the mid winter blues

It's Lady's Night, and oh what a night.

The women of this fair town have been looking forward to this night since last year at about this time. Once a year the Canadian Playboys make their way North.
And yes, I saw them. In all their glory. (?maybe not... glory...per-say)
And maybe not "in" anything at all.
But I saw them, Oh how I saw them.
From HotCop to Standed Soldier and even a Cowboy. Shooting fake weapons saving us all from criminals or terrorists or ourselves.... One performer even started a small fire which he gyrated in front of, sending shivers down all those housewive's spines, then turning around to reveal just a silver of his ass crack. This move realllly drove'em crazy.
Lip syncing the intros to their acts and encouraging the crowd to take out the 5, 10 and 20 dollar bills if they wanted to see the whole package. It was unlike anything I have ever seen before and honestly I hope never to see it again.
The women where wild with passion and ready to purchase all the raffle tickets, posters and novelty lighters faster then these guys could sell them.
Oh! Lest I forget the portion of the show which required audience participation, three lovely ladies where asked to come on stage.
The first my bosses future daughter in law. She was asked what her favourite sexual position is. The answer more shocking then the questions, she slurs "from behind." She is then bent over a chair and told to impersonate herself having an orgasm and handed a microphone. Gladly she screams into the mic as other jealous ladies snap photos, which will obviously make their way on to facebook within 24 hrs of this proformance.
The second, is my co worker Wanda who escapes to the bathroom out of sheer embarassment.
And I missed the third due to lack of interest.
After too much to drink and the fact that all the women I attended with have children and needed to return to their families I made my way home to the quiet of my house.
Which was nice, after seeing so much cock in one night.
 

For those who are interested, b/c I know some of you are!
http://www.canadianplayboyz.com/

carnage in the streets

I know I talk about wolves alot. Okay, I know it.

It's just that I can't get over them.

Last week while preparing to slumber, I heard them. Howling at the moon. We opened our doors and they were close. Blood curdlingly close.
In the middle of town, last week maybe the night after we heard them howling, wolves took down a deer in someones back yard. Just imagine looking out your window and seeing a pack of wolves killing a deer. After much commotion the wolves were scared away, the police were called, and the woman whose backyard this happened in was allowed to keep the deer for meat because she had a Status Card. So they dragged the deer around to the front of the house and cut it up. Her neighbor woke up to a front lawn covered in blood. This happened.
Two nights ago, wolves killed a dog in a backyard across the street from our house. Mind you this is a second hand story heard from emergency works called to a known drug addicts house in the middle of the night, but still believable because of recent events.
Yesterday morning when a coworkers husband was leaving for work he saw a pack of wolves one street over.

This is real.

This is where I live.

I have yet to see a wolf.

But now I'm scared to.

I'm back.

After a much needed hiatus, I am back.

 Well actually I only went on hiatus because I don't have much to write about.
It continues to be snowy, it continues to be cold, and the wild life continues to knock on my doorstep.
It is the long weekend.
We ventured out to Winnipeg for a few days, where I was compelled to spend as much money as possible on as many things as I possibly could. Only because these things aren't available to me on a regular basis.  I'm not what you would call a "mall shopper" but upon entering the warm glow of urban sprawl I crave the indoor shopping experience that only a mall can bring. So warm, so full, so visually stimulating I have to take a nap in the afternoon to recover from my overwhelming morning.
I bought clothes I will never really be able to wear up here without looking like the city slicker I am. But when i try to blend in, people tell me I look like a tourist. I can never win. Although I do find people ask me for my opinion more, and they actually consider my answers to be credible. But anyone who knows me knows I make half of my facts up, they are just considered true because I'm an outsider. It's weird.
anyways I just bought an amazing pair of black suede wedges that wont be worn until I return to.... anywhere with side walks and more then one restaurant/bar that is only open on the condition that people are actually present will do fine. I'll take anything I can get at this point.
Oh and I'm sick of winter.
This season is long. Very long, with no end in near sight. I'll be lucky if in April there isn't snow on the ground.
Seriously.
People are talking about blizzards in June.
I'll cry if that happens.

the vermin of the north.

In the city where I was born and raised, it is not uncommon to have your picnic surrounded by pigeons, or your garbage ripped through by raccoons, or to spot the occasional rat whilst out on the town in the evening.
But here, in this northern oasis you are more likely to see crows looming on telephone wires, or deer meandering through the streets, or foxes gliding silently over the fresh snow.