Monday, August 8, 2011

Shopping for those with no stores to shop in

To say that I "love" to shop would be an understatement.
I was born to buy. When out at a store and I haven't filled my baskets up to their fullest, I desperately grab at items on my walk to the check out frantically filling my arms like a squirrel collecting nuts and stuffing their cheeks full before the winter freeze.
It's pathetic.
I know it.
I know that I "have a problem" and need to "get a hobby".
But really, no I don't.

What I need to do is to stop putting myself in situations where I feel obligated to spend money. Not because I am in a store but I'm in some neighbours living room and some housewife is telling me the advantages of flameless air fresheners, pre-packaged spices with no taste, or the worst being sitting at my kitchen table enticed by the offer of a "free facial" turned humiliated and guilt fuelled buying.
This is a culture of at home shopping. The Tupperware party re-invented.  Women praying on their friends and neighbours to support their livelihood and buy useless crap. And guess what, it works.
The only way to make real money is to exploit the people close to you by:

1. Inviting them to parties they don't want to go to.

2. Saying they don't have to buy anything and to just come for a drink.

3. Knowing that no one can stay only for a drink and they will buy something. Most likely spending more then they can afford b/c they are in your living room, have listened to some soulless woman talk about useless shit for half an hour, haven't had a drink and desperately want to go home and the only way they can leave is if they buy something and run.

4. The worst of course would be the "you won a free facial" technique. Where instead of the luxurious time the words "free facial" make one think about instead it's a lesson in humility. The overly religious next door neighbour's daughter arrives with a tote full of creams and ointments. Your feeling too embarrassed about the messy state of your kitchen fail to notice her setting up a tray in front of you and squirting random creams on to it. Then handing you a cloth and asking you to wipe your own face down thus dry washing it while sitting at a table. Nothing quite like trying to remove exfoliating facial cleanser with a baby wipe.  Or a complete stranger telling you that you don't wear enough makeup and you should begin your wrinkle prevention scheme immediately, in fact it might already be too late. Then to get her out of your house you spend more then you would ever dream of spending on facial products because she tried so hard for that hour you fought off her sales pitches, you just had to give her some credit...

This is my reality. These are the majority of parties I get invited too.
They never stop. If you go to one you have to go to them all, or else it's some big scandal.
Now my pantry, my outlets, my medicine cabinet are full with useless crap I have no desire to own.


  1. Hahahah! Whaddya mean? Mary Kay product rocks! Especially if you are 94 years old just simply MUST use concealer over foundation as a base for your deep blue eye shadow that matches your purple wash hair.

  2. Could be worse...if you were back in Toronto you'd just be getting invited to our shows all the time.

    Seriously though, my mom used to do the whole Tupperware/candle party thing and I always thought it was strange.

  3. hahaha! Painful!!

    P.S. You're invited to my home jewellery party sale. BUY BIG. Just joking, but really... I've managed to avoid about five of them this summer. It's the newest and latest tupperware. $100 for a string of lame beads. Don't do it.

  4. we went to an "Event" the last weekend, and a woman had a purple dress and purple hair to match.
    did i mention she must have been in her 60ies?